The In-between

“I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” Psalm 130:5

I moved to Haiti with the notion that I’d only be here for a year. There were times when I felt called to Haiti for longer but recently I have chosen to move home in July. I’m currently living in an in-between time, which can be so disheartening. I’m in-between homes, jobs, and countries. My heart is in two places and both of these places hold people that I love so dearly. Each day I can choose to focus on how badly I miss my loved ones back home or I can choose to make my next 43 days in Haiti count.

This longing to go home to North Carolin has reminded me of another longing to go home that we all feel yearning within us. I’m currently working through The Quest, which is a Bible study by Beth Moore. My sweet friend Nancy gave it to me before I journeyed on a more physical quest to Haiti. In this study I have been reading scripture that explains that when we are reborn into the body of Christ we loose our residency in the world and we gain a new home in heaven. We become pilgrims on a journey back to our heavenly Father.

“All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.” Hebrews 11:13

“For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ;” Philippians 3:20

Last week I went to a local coffee shop to get some peace and quiet for a little bit. It was such a sweet time to rest. On my way home I saw some succulents for sale on the street and I had to get one. So, I bartered as best as I could and then hopped back onto the motorcycle I was riding with my succulent. This isn’t a Harley Davidson type of motorcycle, it’s more like a street bike. In Haiti this is the equivalent of a taxi. My friend Maceus has a moto and I pay him to drop me off at places that I need to go to and then take me back home. So last Friday afternoon I rode a moto down the busiest road in Port-au-Prince, succulent in hand, sun shining on my face, with so much joy in my heart. I was looking at the palm trees and the bougainvillea and I was so captivated and in love with that moment. I didn’t want it to end. Just that morning I was upset with the kids for something that I can’t even remember now, but I do remember the intense desire I had to fly back home. I was so frustrated with myself for not being satisfied and being so fickle. Then I remembered the scriptures I had recently read.

For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.” Hebrews 13:14

It made me think about how at times I am so content and grounded and other times I want what’s next so badly that I feel like I can’t get out of bed. I really, really struggle with being content. I have always wanted what comes next and because of this I often miss what’s happening right now.

I think that we go through in-between stages in life; in-between jobs, in-between homes, in-between relationships. The in-between times feel like a gap in life. They feel like a time of waiting and it feels empty. It feels like we’re waiting on God to show up and fix everything, but what if he’s already there? What if the in-between time is a blessing? What if God loves us so much that he allows us to wait, to grow, to change because He cares so deeply for us? Like a parent who lets their children try and fail, He allows us these uncomfortable times in order for us to be molded into the children he created us to be. I think that the in-between times can also be an example of our time on Earth. We’re here waiting, pilgriming, exploring, failing until we can go back to our home in heaven. But I don’t want to just wait my whole existence a way. I want to live each day here in a way that allows God to live through me.

When we feel like we’re in an in-between time or a time of waiting we can be encouraged that God is there. He hears us and He knows us intimately and deeply. We also can be encouraged with the truth that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. In this season of waiting to go home I’m taking each day to thank God for one of the children that I’ve had the privilege of living with and teaching this year. I’m slowing down. Typically I would try to stay busy so I didn’t think about my longing to be somewhere else. I’m leaning in to this season and in doing so I’m leaning into God. I’m letting Him fill me up and I’m choosing to live each day intentionally instead of wishing them away. I am praying that this will be a daily practice for me of submitting to the Lord, in all seasons, and being present. At first this season of waiting was really difficult but it’s actually turned out to be such a sweet time of knowing God more and being vulnerable, feeling everything that comes, and savoring each moment.

God, thank You for loving us enough to bring us to seasons that teach us and grow us. I pray that during these times You would come in so close that we would be overwhelmed by your presence and love. I pray that You would come in close and fill all of the spaces that are hurting and are tired. I pray You would create good works in us that last into our eternal, forever home. We love You so, so much Jesus. Amen. 

 

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Crazy, white lady coming through. 

This is long but so, so important

When we choose to accept Jesus into our hearts and join God on the adventure of life, the Holy Spirit comes to reside inside of our bodies. Therefore, a form of God is within us. I bet if you thought about the fact that the God of the universe inhabits your body you’d take care of yourself a lot differently. I know that I would. The act of taking care of yourself physically and mentally is actually an act of worship.

“Therefore brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship.” Romans 12:1

I believe that the three major ways that we take care of ourself is through filtering our thoughts and memorizing scripture, exercising and eating well, and resting.

“So then, dear friends, since we have these promises let us cleanse ourselves from every impurity of the flesh and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.” 2 Corinthians 7:1

I’ve been reading a lot lately about the power of the mind and the brain. I’m troubled by the lack of information that many of us know about what lies within our own bodies. Personally, I never knew the power that I had to control my thoughts and responses to things around me. I never knew that I had the power within me that raised Jesus from the dead to take all of my thoughts captive to the Lord. What many of us don’t know is that your mind holds the key to life and death.

In order for us to tap into this life we must read the Word of God. Growing up in the church I never, ever knew the power of scripture. Honestly the Bible was just boring stories about history to me until I saw the power of speaking scripture over darkness.

“For the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

 I think that so often we don’t realize the shear power of scripture. We read it and it sounds nice, but we think that it won’t save us from suffering. We read about God’s strength and immeasurable love for us, and it all sounds wonderful, but when we’re weak we turn to social media and red wine (this is me) instead of scripture. We have no idea of the power that we posses as children of God with access to his living, breathing Word.

In order to experience the abundant life that God wants for us we must realize the power of Scripture and we must hide that scripture within our hearts.

The armor of God consists of the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of readiness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit. The only tool in this list that is used for defense is the sword of the Spirit which is Scripture. Scripture is the only thing that will protect you against the schemes of the devil who came to kill, steal, and destroy you. This is so serious. It’s the difference in living the abundant life God promised you or sleep walking through life. Each one of us, because we were designed in the image of God, are being attacked by God’s number one enemy. We have targets on our backs and satan will not relent until he sees us defeated. Our only defense against these attacks is Scripture. Jesus holds the keys to sin and death so let’s use his power that raised Him from the grave to take back our minds and our lives.

I think that so many people in the church don’t know about the weight of spiritual warfare and the power of our thoughts because of spiritual warfare. Satan is so good at putting blinders on us. He is so good at twisting the truth and lurking around, but lets call this what it is, a battle field. Your mind is a battle field and it’s time for us to stand up and claim the victory that God already won for us. Although satan can’t read our minds he can see our actions and hear what we say. This is how he tempts us with thoughts that are never for our benefit. They may seem like they’re for our good when in reality they are just stealing the joy that God intended for you.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:5-8

I’ve always studied the first part of this verse. It has always given me hope. However, it wasn’t until I continued reading this passage of Scripture that I realized trusting God, which means trusting His Word, His Spirit inside of us, and His son Jesus, is actually good for our health!! It is healing to our flesh. It is refreshment to our bones.

When I’m stressed, worrying about things that were never meant for me to worry about instead of trusting God, I feel my shoulders tense up and rise towards my ears. A lot of times because of that tension I also get a headache. It’s like a defense mechanism to protect me from all of the demands that I’m facing. This is our brains natural, innate response to too much stress. You actually begin to defend your body in certain ways such as tensing up. What is also remarkable about our natural responses is that the brain is similar to a muscle in the sense that the more often we use a certain area of the brain, for example the stress response portion of the brain, the stronger it becomes. You can actually live in a constant stress response state if you don’t choose to take control over your thought life. In contrast when I read Scripture, spend time with God, pray, and show Him and myself that I trust Him, I can feel my body breathe a sigh of relief. Whatever we choose to think about most often will become our initial response, and whatever our initial response mentally is will manifest itself physically within our bodies. This is the power of your mind and of Scripture. I’m telling you, God wants to give you healing mentally and physically. He wants to refresh us. What father wants their children to constantly be hurting themselves by worrying all the time??

So from this scientific information that I’m not going to cite because this is a blog, we can see that our minds are powerful and what we think about is powerful as well. I’m not sure why, “Take every thought captive,” isn’t tattooed on my arm yet, but I’m thinking about it because our thought life is so important. Fill your mind with God. Fill your mind with Jesus. Talk about God. Listen to things about God. Spend time with people who want to talk about God.

The act of meditating on Scripture and taking every thought captive is obviously difficult. It’s much easier to be a sleepwalker so that satan won’t target you, but I know that I don’t want to get to the end of my life and tell God that I spent all of my time watching Netflix and scrolling through Instagram. I don’t even want to tell my grandkids that. I want to tell them that I fought hard for Jesus, to make Him known in my life and in the lives of others.

Honestly I struggle with this every day. I get busy at work. I get busy after work. I get busy before bed, and I forget. I forget and I sleepwalk. I let my thoughts flow in and out freely, and I don’t think about the ones that are threatening to my mental health. Even something so simple as, “I didn’t read my Bible today. I’m a really bad person,” is a negative thought. God wouldn’t say this to us because he says that we are lovely and altogether beautiful, but satan would so that he could make us feel bad and tear us down in order for us not to be able to reach our full potentials. The act of taking every thought captive requires us to be present. It asks us to be reflective and to slow down. In the age that we’re in I know that this is difficult. Demands to move more quickly are constantly shouted at us, but like all truths, this is the opposite of what God calls us to. God calls us to a slower pace of life that is so much more refreshing. I dare you the next time you’re stressed, sad, or mad to say Philippians 4:13 over and over again until your heart stops beating so fast and you feel at peace. When we recite scripture we are pulling our mind from negative thoughts to the truth and to positive thoughts. I promise you that we really can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

 

Our mental health manifests itself physically. This is a fact that cannot be ignored.

“For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it just as Christ does for the church since we are members of his body.” Ephesians 5:29

To provide and care for our bodies means to offer our bodies nutritious food, exercise, and rest. All of these aspects are imperative to your health. As Romans 12:1 states, taking care of your body is actually an act of worship! When you eat the gross cauliflower and run the extra lap you are worshipping God because you’re taking care of His temple (your body) where he dwells. Knowing that taking care of myself is a way that I honor and worship God encourages me to do these things when I really don’t want to.

One of the words that I mentioned was, “rest.” What does that even mean??? Is it still in the dictionary??? Who rests these days???

“In returning and rest you will be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15 

I love this verse! Who would have thought that by resting we would gain strength? I never did until I practiced the art of quieting my soul and was strengthened by the Lord. Resting in this verse does not mean binge watching Netflix. It doesn’t mean mindlessly looking through social media. Rest is spending time with loved ones, reading scripture, praying, taking a nap, going for a walk, laying in a hammock, or reading a good book. I think rest depends on the person, but I truly believe that rest doesn’t come from technology in the format that we most often use it these days.

Our health is so important. When we feel good we can do so much more, however we must realize that our physical health flows from our mental health and positive mental health comes from depending whole heartedly on God. Recently I became very sick. I had a mosquito borne virus called Dengue Fever. It’s very common in tropical areas like Haiti. Despite all that I knew about the virus none of that knowledge decreased the severe blow that it took to my health. I was so weak and hopeless without anyone to help take care of me in Haiti (there’s nothing like your mom when you’re sick). I had no energy at all, so I just laid in bed all day and slept. I saw that my lack of reading Scripture really took a toll on my mental and emotional health. It took me three weeks to recover and all the while I was trying to survive on my own strength instead of gaining strength from the Father and his Word. As soon as I did read my Bible after all of this, I instantly felt better. God’s word washed over me like a cleansing flood and I felt renewed. When I chose to trust Him He gave refreshment to my soul.

God says that you are altogether beautiful, there is no flaw in you. He says that he will give nations in exchange for you. He says that your name is, “His.” I think that when we see ourselves the way that God sees us things change. When we realize that our bodies are a gift given to us by God we take care of them differently. I think that when we really acknowledge the fact that our body is a temple for the one true God we reverently take care of ourselves. My prayer is that first and foremost we realize the power of our minds and take back what is ours. Everything else that we are and will be flows from our minds. Let’s let God into our every thought and rely on His Word like we never have before.

 

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the way that you love us even when we don’t love ourselves by taking care of ourselves. Thank you that you come to live with and within us Lord. I pray that you would fill us up and make us whole, but only by You and Your Word. I pray that we would worship you with our bodies as a living sacrifice daily. I pray that you would clothe us in Your Armor to stand against the schemes of the enemy. Lord I pray that you would renew our minds daily and that scripture would come to life where before we were oblivious to It’s power. God thank you that you won the battle for us already. Please help us to walk in Your truth so that we may be victorious each day by depending on You. I pray that when we do fall victim to lies and deceit that you would light the way and that the truth would be visible. We love you SO much God! You make all things new, daily, and you are such a good, good Father. In Jesus’ beautiful name, Amen. 

 

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I don’t know about you, but sunset watching is so restful for my soul. Not to mention that the sunsets in Haiti are the best around. 

Therefore We Will Not Give Up

“Therefore we do not give up. Though our outer self is wasting away our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

 

I’m so sorry that most of my blogs are about trials. I really wanted to get away from that in the next writing that I did, but in living in Haiti I have come to know very well what it means to face trials of many kinds.

 

I hope this story makes you laugh. Now that I’m a few weeks removed from it I am able to laugh but when it happened to me I can assure you that I was not laughing. To set up the story that will make you laugh I need to share a bit about the current situation in Haiti. About a month ago we experienced a gas shortage. The gas stations were rationing the gas to only one gallon per person. Honestly I’m not sure about this correlation, but at the same time we stopped having city power for the amount of time that we should have it. We are supposed to have city power from 6 am- 9 pm but during this time we were only having it from 6 am- 2 pm. Due to the lack of city power, the mission where I work began running our generator more often which in turn caused our generator to begin having problems. These generator problems caused the directors to decide to take my house off of the generator which in turn is why my windows were open while I was sleeping. Because my windows were open while I was sleeping the biggest rat I’ve ever seen in my whole life crawled on to my bed. What did I do? Scream like the lady I am, try to fumigate the thing from under my bed where it was hiding with bug spray, and cried to the guard that a rat the size of a cat was under my bed until he came into my room to get it out. I will tell you that every thing in Haiti is bigger. The cockroaches, the rats, the mosquitos, but most of all the joy. At home I don’t think I would really experience these types of situations where I MUST rely on God for joy, strength, and peace.

 

Since the rat incident (I am still being teased by the kids for cuddling with a rat) life here hasn’t become much easier. For a week now we have been on lock down due to violent protests in the streets. That means no school, not much power, and an inability to go anywhere. For many people in Haiti that means no access to food, no water, no medicine, and no work. It is so easy in situations like this to want to give up. It is so easy to give in to fear during these times and not to trust God.

 

Every night we have devotion. One of the kids will share a message and then we all worship together. Last night I was feeling really upset due to the lack of power (you don’t realize how much you rely on it until you don’t have it) and just the current state of this country that I love. When things like this happen it makes me feel so small, like I’m not doing enough or praying hard enough. So I was praying fervently and while I prayed I quieted my soul and I heard God say, “I am here.” I honestly thought he had turned His eye to us. How could people be dying in the streets and He be here? How could children I know go without medicine that protects their life and He be here? How could we be living so uncomfortably (comfort is probably an idol for me that I am working on- this is so candid) and He be here? But He is here. These kids that I love so much are always pushing me to the Father. The way they live with abandon and with their hearts wide open shows me the hope of the Lord. For the week we have been making Valentines for our staff, playing thinking skills games, exploring engineering concepts with K’Nex, and getting caught up in good books. I never see any tension on their faces. I never see any worry in their eyes. I know they are children, sometimes oblivious to the trouble of the world, but I truly believe that children reveal so much to us about how to love and trust God.

“Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me.” Matthew 18:4-5

 

I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t want to go home. I want to go home so bad. I miss my loved ones. I miss hot showers. I miss the freedom of having a car. I miss so many things that make life comfortable. In living in Haiti God is refining me. Sometimes the refining work that God is doing in us hurts. It is uncomfortable, it is painful, but it is in the refining that God is making us who we were meant to be. It is in the refining that God is going to bless us. The definition of refine is, “to remove impurities or unwanted elements from a substance.” Something that is so beautiful and so precious to us that must be refined are diamonds. I want to be seen as a diamond. I want to have the natural beauty and elegance in my heart that we see when we look at a diamond. But something that we must address is that if we want to be the diamond we must go through the refining. I really don’t believe that we can have one without the other.

 

I don’t want to write as if Haiti is a bad place. I love Haiti. It is beautiful and it is the home of 40 little people that I love more than life. However, as you can imagine, living in a third world country with civil unrest on your doorstep is definitely challenging. So I am praying diligently for peace and hope in this country and I hope that you will too.

 

Father, you are so good. You bring new mercies each morning and you provide strength that surpasses my knowledge. Thank you for the way that you work in us. Thank you for the way that you refine us. Thank you for that while you are refining us you never leave us or forsake us. Lord I pray for Haiti. I pray for your people here. I pray that your love and your light would radiate through the streets penetrating the darkness. God, I pray for the people unable to find food or water. I just pray that You would meet their needs Father and that you would sustain them in the way that only you can. We love you so, so much. Amen.

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Making Valentines for our beloved staff members!

 

 

Putting together puzzles and imagining that we are under the sea and on a safari!

 

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I don’t know much that gets these kids down. What a beautiful example they are to me.

He’s Worth It

 

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” -Galatians 2: 20

 

‬ ‭When I initially chose to obey God and move to Haiti I was so excited to be doing something I felt like I was born to do. I thought that when I came to this beautiful Caribbean island everything would be perfect and I would finally be content with my life. However this was not the case. My first six months in Haiti were hard. They were full of fear and frustration. They were full of doubt in God’s plan for me and my own ability to love others. So after a month back in America due to the passing of my grandmother and the holidays, I was ready and also dreading heading back to my home away from home in Haiti. Now that I have returned I see that those months of pain and tears and loneliness were not wasted. I see now that they all had a purpose. In trials and difficulties God grows us the most. When we weather the storm we see how strong our vessel actually is. How much more do we appreciate something or someone when we no longer have it? Being at home gave me time to realize how blessed I am that Jesus is using me and allowing me to be on such an amazing adventure with Him. During that time I was able to realize that the difficulties here in Haiti cannot ever compare to the glory that God is creating here.

Last semester my heart was overwhelmed with the cancer in my Granny’s body, the struggles of being a new parent (to 40 kids), the challenges of a third world country, and the distance between my loved ones and myself. Most days it was so hard for me to take my eyes off of my own self and put them on God and His plans for me. I was too busy focusing on what was wrong to see what was right, like 40 sweet smiles ready to be loved and love me in return. Before I came back to Haiti in January I prayed God would give me His heart and His eyes for this country that He has brought me to. Praying this prayer and keeping my eyes on Him has done wonders for my selfish heart.

Since I’ve been back in Haiti I’ve been able to spend a lot more time with my kids at Have Faith Haiti. I made it a goal of mine for the new year to spend more time with the kids instead of working on grading papers and making lessons because truthfully the kids are why I’m here.

I’ve also been able to meet some other really beautiful children. I was able to go to Jehova Rafa which is a home for children with disabilities. All of the children there were abandoned. In Haiti people with disabilities are not cared for like they would be in America. Here in Haiti we aren’t blessed with the equipment, technology, or materials like the things I had in my classroom when I taught children with autism in America. I was able to meet the sweetest kids who despite their situations were beaming with joy.

I also was able to meet Sophia. She was abandoned on the doorstep of a malnutrition clinic not too far from where I live. She has what looks like hydrocephalus. Hydrocephalus is something that could be treated in America, but in Haiti the outcome for her is fatal. She is an older girl, who looks to be about five or six. Most babies with this disease pass away early in life so there could be hope for her!! Her story and her laugh when I tickled her captivated me.

These are the ones who are overlooked. They are who I want to stand for. The children who are said to have no chance of life or learning. I want to offer them the life and love of Jesus. The impoverished who are said to have no hope. I want them to have the hope I have in the Lord that no power of man can ever destroy. The outcast that are said to be unwanted I want to invite them into the family of the Father as coheirs with Christ.

One of the most difficult things to understand but the most freeing, fulfilling, and beautiful thing about God is He takes us just as we are. He made us to be who He wanted us to be. Therefore, when we come to Him he doesn’t want us to have our act together or our finances organized or our heart in order. He just wants us; broken, poor, needy, hungry. We all are all of those things.

“Find your self worth in the fact that God so desired a relationship with you that he laid down his own life to have it.”

I look at Sophia, I look at my kids who have been left without a traditional family, I look at the kids at Jehova Rafa and I know that it’s worth it.

The Holy Spirit lives in each one of us so essentially part of Jesus is in each of these people. The King of Heaven and Earth is worth it. The beloved Son of God who laid down His own life for me is worth it. He’s worth the days without power, He’s worth the mosquito bites, He’s worth the heat, He’s worth the homesickness. He is worth it. He gave His life to give me mine and the least that I could have done is live in Haiti and allow Him to work through me.

In keeping our eyes on the Lord we hear truth and we are given strength to endure the trials. When we remain in Him the very loud voice of the world that says it’s too much and we’re too weak fades away so that we can hear “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” God is worth it. The joy He brings from doing the hard things is worth it.

Father, thank you for the way you use even pain for our good and your glory. Lord thank you that you work all things together for the good of those who love you. I pray that you would enable us to keep our eyes on you. I pray that you would quiet the voice of the enemy and make your voice the loudest voice in our lives. I pray you would speak truths into our hearts. I pray that you would equip us, help us to be brave, and send us out on adventures beyond our imagination to give the sweet love you’ve given us to those that are overlooked. We love you so much Jesus. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

“Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for me.”

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” -Matthew 25:40

The truth about fundraising………. my feeble human self gets very overwhelmed by it. I probably feel overwhelmed because I am relying on my own strength instead of my Father’s. I’m probably feeling overwhelmed because I’m thinking about my resources instead of His. I’m probably feeling overwhelmed because instead of praying and trusting God I take matters into my own hands and refuse to trust in His provisions and goodness.

Fundraising can be difficult, but it is worth it so that I may be able to continue to live in Haiti from January 2019- July 2019. I am serving in Haiti as a special education teacher at an orphanage caring for 41 children. When I am not teaching I also serve as a mentor and big sister to all of the kids. I work 24/7 but I wouldn’t give up this opportunity and experience for anything. This season of life is challenging but the best challenges produce the most fruit.

When you choose to sponsor me and support me you are aiding me in living in Haiti so that I can teach, and love, and mentor, and discipline, and care for those 41 sweet little smiles. Your sponsorship allows me to continue my work in Haiti as I love others in Jesus’ name and make His name known. In doing so we are showing others that we all are seen, and known, and loved, and coheirs with Christ.

Several ways that you can currently support the mission work that I do in Port-Au-Prince, Haiti:

  1. Come to Parent’s Night Out at Hope Community Church in Shelby, NC December 14th. The Parent’s Night Out begins at 5:00 and ends at 8:30. This is an event where you can drop your kids off for a night out for yourself. Myself and six other adults will be watching the children. The kids will make a Christmas craft, play games, eat pizza, and watch a movie. It’s a great opportunity to have a night out and to allow your children to make new friends in a safe environment. The cost is $20 for one child and $15 per child for multiple children. For more information and to sign up click on this link!Parent_s Night Out (1)
  2. Buy a perfect stocking stuffer this holiday season, a Krispy Kreme BOGO card from me. With the Buy One Get One card you are receiving 10 FREE boxes of a dozen doughnuts with each purchase of a dozen doughnuts. Each card is $20 and a portion of the proceeds will help me continue to do work in Haiti as I educate and help develop children who are living within extreme poverty, untraditional families, and with various emotional vulnerabilities. You can purchase a card by sending an email to me!IMG_3660-2.jpg
  3. Check out my handmade jewelry here! I spend time when I am home from Haiti making bracelets and earrings as a way to raise funds so that I may be able to live in Haiti. You can send me a message if you are interested in one of the pieces or you can come to Hope Community Church at the Upper Cleveland Location (Burns Middle School) on December 30th at 10:30am. I will be setting up a table to sell my hand made goods! 37408992_421625271656423_6257564408772296704_n
  4. Check out teespring.com to find some great merchandise. There are a variety of shirts and sweatshirts that are for sale. A portion of the proceeds go to support the mission work that I am doing in Haiti.
  5. Pray for me, the children and people I work with, the country of Haiti, and share this blog post! Also watch a video I made about the work that I do and how your sponsorship supports me here!! 

 

“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.” -Hebrews 6:10

 

 

 

There Is Beauty Here

I moved to Haiti on June 29th of this year. The day before I moved my Granny went to the hospital with a broken rib and a collapsed lung. Later we would find out that the cause was due to stage 4 Metastatic Lung Cancer. The news hit me with brutal force taking the breath right out of my own lungs. I was able to come home for a few weeks to go to Granny’s oncology appointments with her over the summer. When I flew back to Haiti that would be the last time I would see Granny as I always knew her.

Growing up Granny and I were inseparable. She taught me how to love, how to be strong, how to make homemade biscuits, how to pray, and how to give.

As I made arrangements to come home early to be with my grandma before she passed I heard God whisper to me, “there is beauty here.” If I’ve learned anything from living in Haiti or just from walking with God I know that He uses all things. I know that when the sorrow is deep and the hurt is strong God is still there, and he will use that sorrow and hurt for positive purposes. Nothing goes unseen from God’s eyes and unlike our minds that can only comprehend so much, God is able to understand our hearts and the way that they are feeling.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

“… but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

I guess we all face various seasons in life. Seasons in which we are effortlessly intertwined with God, and seasons where it seems that God is no where to be found.

Right now I’m at home feeling out of place because I should be in Haiti, but you know I think I’m right where I should be. Leaning into the grieving. Leaning into the pain of my family and my own. Leaning into the unknown and the unplanned.

No matter how far I wander from God, no matter how many days I go without praying, no matter how many mornings my Bible remains unopened, no matter how many times my lips do not sing His praise he continues to call me by name, which is “His” (Isaiah 43:1).

I think that life is about connection. Life is about love and loss. It’s about embracing what we have and when we no longer have it carrying on all the things that what we did have taught us. I truly think that everything Jesus has taught me since I chose to give Him my heart can benefit others. I don’t think that I have it all figured out, but when the teenage girls I live with lose sight of their faith I can  share from personal experience that no matter how far they wander God is still holding them close.

Living in Haiti I now know that I have been so blessed to have a Granny that loved me so. I’m so blessed to have been raised by her to love God and to love His people. I am so blessed to have been raised with love and compassion and interest. I’m so thankful that God allowed me to go home and tell Granny that I had been missing her before she passed. I am so blessed to have heard her say, “I missed you more.” That was the last thing that she said to me, but I am so blessed to know in my heart without any doubt at all that she loved me. I’m even more blessed that she taught me that even though she loves me, God loves me so much more. He loves me more than I could ever imagine or comprehend.

Recently in following God to Haiti for the year I have often felt that the place where I was at in life was hard or not where I wanted to be. When I came home to be with my grandmother before she passed I felt like that was not where I wanted to be. In the days after Granny went to be with Jesus I felt like being at home with my family was not where I wanted to be. In quieting my loud thoughts I now see that God has me where he needs me. He takes us where he can use us and then he draws us back in and gives us rest. Instead of wasting all of our energy fighting God and His will we should surrender and let him hold us in the exact place where he has put us. So many times I am like Jacob wrestling God and when I do finally accept what He has given me it’s because I am exhausted in all forms of the word. I pray that with every wave of life we learn to trust Him more and more. I pray that we would not have a faith that turns from God with every blow from life, but instead would find comfort in the arms of our loving, loving Father. The Father who formed us and knows us in the most sincere way we will ever be known, and who loves us without condition or end.

 

Lord I pray that You will show us the beauty and who You are in all stages of life. Jesus I pray that when we cannot see that You would hold us and give us Your eyes. God please help us to not waste any event in our lives, but instead to turn to You and Your love. You are so good to us. You never leave us or forsake us, even in times when it may feel that way. Thank you for Earthly grandmas that allow us to taste some of your glory. Thank you for love in the fragile human form we experience. Thank you for how you bless us so God, even when we are unaware of what you are working together for our good. 

 

 

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Ms. Kelsey

I have been wanting to write and share what I do in Haiti, as well as explain a little about the organization where I am working.

The wonderful establishment where I am blessed to work is called Have Faith Haiti Mission. Here we care for 40 children from the age of 5 to the age of 18. The word, “care” encompasses providing for the children’s physical needs such as daily meals and teeth brushing, providing for their emotional needs such as hugs and bed time stories, providing for their spiritual needs such as Sunday school and nightly prayers, and providing for their educational needs such as too much math homework and nightly tutoring. Although we are one big family with common purposes, each child is beautifully made up of special qualities that make them all worthy of being adored.

Within the complex of our mission we have a dorm where the children sleep at night except for the oldest girls. These girls have the privilege of living with yours truly at what we refer to as, “The Pink House” (seriously every wall that forms our home is PINK- pink as in Peptobismol pink). The purpose of The Pink House, which is located one house down from the mission, is to teach the older girls how to cook, clean, form time management skills, and learn how to be independent as well as self sufficient. Back  over at the mission, the dorm has a room for the little girls, middle aged girls, little boys, middle aged boys, and the big boys. Each room has several bunk beds and each night one of our beloved nannies sleeps in the room with the kids. We are blessed to have a staff of nannies who work in shifts to look after the children, make sure they get bathed, and are all in bed when it’s time to go to sleep. The nannies also braid the girls hair each Saturday and come up with activities for the younger kids when they are not in school. Not to mention they provide an ample amount of love and nurturing to our kids. Our dorm also has a living room where the kids love to watch movies and read.

Adjacent to the dorm is the kitchen where Ms. Meme and Ms. Loraine, our talented cooks, make the best sòspwa (Haitian bean sauce that will make you want to stay in Haiti forever) around. The kids are served three meals a day. The meals are planned out for each day of the week. On Mondays we have oatmeal for breakfast, spaghetti for lunch, and a sandwich for dinner. This is similar each day of the week. Due to Ms. Loraine and Ms. Meme cooking for so many people the menu and grocery list stay predictable each week.

Outside of the kitchen we have a lovely, multipurpose gazebo. The gazebo is often used for a game of gaga ball, Ultimate Have Faith Wresting, or a new dance routine. However, without fail every night it is used for devotion. Each night one of the older kids preaches about an important topic to all of the other children. All 40 of us pile into the gazebo to hear the speaker’s words of wisdom. Once preaching is over we sing. The kids love to sing and worship. Sometimes if they really want to hear a song they chant to our worship leader (a 16 year old named Chivensky with a talent for music and a heart for Jesus) as if they’re at a concert begging for an encore!  Every night Chivensky leads worship along with the help of a few bongo drummers such as the very talented Louvenson (a 13 year old with the kindest heart). Once worship is over, we pray for the day and recite our memory verse of the month. My most favorite thing each day is the sound of little voices praising God each night. I love to hear the untarnished faith of a child as they joyfully sing to our Father.

Surrounding the gazebo is what we call the yard. The children make up games here with rocks or whatever they can find. The best thing I’ve seen yet is a bicycle the kids ride that has no tires, only the rims of the wheels. It also has no seat, but instead has an improvised seat in the form of an old Clorox jug. We also have a wonderful play house in the yard where the children can be found sailing a ship into the harbor or hiding from an enemy in a battle.

On the far end of our compound is our school, The Have Faith Haiti Bilingual School. Our school is based on an impressive curriculum and teaching methodology. We have no tests, students are not left behind if they don’t understand a concept, and we teach everything upon prior knowledge. We have students learning chemistry when they’re 9! I’m pretty sure they might be more intelligent than I am. The only students that attend our school are the students who live within our mission. We have a highly skilled group of teachers who provide a wonderful education to our students. The kids love to learn. They are so inquisitive and their thirst for knowledge continuously goes unquenched. Our school is an English school from 8:00- 11:30 meaning that the students learn many subjects but they are only speaking English. From 1:15- 4:45 our school is a French school meaning the students learn many subjects but only speak French. We have nine classes beginning with Preschool and going up to Secondary 1.

I am a teacher within our school, affectionately known as, “Ms. Kelsey”. I focus on individualized instruction for students who are struggling to learn in the same way as their peers. I create goals for them and track their improvement. I also work on teaching our teachers how to individualize and adapt instruction to students who need additional support. I am advising two high school students this year, working on our school newspaper, and teaching English to the cutest group of preschoolers you ever did see.

Next to our school we have a chapel where the kids have Sunday school and worship service every Sunday morning. Our school principal also doubles as our preacher. He leads the children spiritually in a relentless love for God.

On Saturdays the learning continues through music, Spanish, and Creole lessons, as well as tutoring. The students are offered music lessons in piano, guitar, and drums. Although the children know how to speak Creole they do not know how to read and write it, so on Saturdays a teacher comes and teaches the students how to do so. We also have a teacher that comes and teaches two Spanish classes.

Our mission and school are intertwined but not directly related. When it comes to the school I am a teacher, I work to get the materials all of our teachers need, and I lead the teachers in understanding special education. When it comes to the mission I lead a reading program, I work on our sponsorships, and I try my best to instruct the children any chance I get such as during cooking classes and the weekly Bible study I lead for the Pink House Girls (similar to the Pink Ladies but we don’t have jackets made yet).

Our mission and our school are ran by the love and service of so many people. For 40 kids and over 20 staff the laundry piles up! We have a beautiful co-work named Ms. Benita who does the laundry. The kids help wash the laundry by hand and then once it is dry they help fold it. Even so, this is a lot of laundry! We have the sweetest co-worker named Ms. Nancy who helps clean the entire mission along with the help of some of our smallest helpers. We have Mr. Germain, Mr. Michel, and Mr. Secrois who help us around the yard. They fix things, make sure water coolers are filled, and lend a helping hand wherever it is needed. We have several guards who rotate each day. They monitor who is coming in our gate and they provide security for our staff and children. We have amazing on site directors such as Mr. Yonel, Mr. Alain, and Ms. Gina. This trio is unmatched. The love, wisdom, and ambition they all have is what keeps this ship sailing towards future dreams and aspirations for the children. We also have two nurses, Ms. Larose and Ms. Nydie, who care for the children’s ailments, perform physical therapy for one of our children, and maintain routine check ups on the kids to make sure they all are okay.

It takes a village. I’ve never been a part of such a large family, but that is exactly what this is. We are a family. We care for each other and we encourage each other. We get annoyed with each other and we say I’m sorry (often) to each other.

God’s love is infused in Have Faith Haiti Mission. I know that he is pleased with the work of loving children and adults who are vulnerable. We don’t call Have Faith an orphanage. We call it a mission because although the children that live here may not have biological parents that care for them or that they see, they are not orphans. They are loved by so many. They are cared for, prayed for, and delighted in.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” -1 James 1:27

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Pictured is our director, Ms. Cara, the French teachers, English teachers, and students. We clean up nicely!
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My beloved Pink House Girls
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Sunday morning worship
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Our play house and yard